THREE GRADES OF LOVE

By Kim Hyttel

Anchoring of Primary Layers – Unconditional Protective Love

Age 0 - 6 is where an instinctive maturation within the context of Unconditional Protective Love is taking place through Instinctive and emotional anchoring.

The Instinctive Anchoring contains potentially all points of the Emotional Anchoring and creates the precondition for the development of the Self. The instinctive consists of two layers: the Innate (the Life-Sequence) and the Anchored.It is rooted in the interplay with the mother’s positive confirmation of the necessary items out from the Life-Sequence, as defined from the Etheric / Noble Values. The anchored creates the structural points necessary for the maintaining of the tranquillity. If the instinctive anchoring is successful, it shapes the basis for what the child can relate to on certain levels, such as the sensuous, making the child being able understand life and death, love, attachment and security.

The Emotional Anchoring is developed through relation to one single person: the mother, and it enables the family bond. In the points where the mother herself feels assured, will she be able to educate the child in the value of managing itself in the family as an individual. If the Emotional Anchoring is successful, the child will be able to relate to love, understanding, tenderness and empathy.

In an intimate encirclement with the mother, is the child’s basic emotional foundation anchored in the innate properties of the instincts. The Instinctive Anchoring is the first contact between child and mother. The mother is meeting the child with a love that embraces its every need, resonating its physical requirements and instinctive impulses.

The child’s physical sensuous alertness is awakened through contact with the skin of the mother and the feel of the heart it has been listening to throughout pregnancy. Hearing, sight, taste, smell, balance and touch, as well asmotoric skills are stimulated and refined.

The mother’s innate intuitive understanding is activated, furnishing her with the feeling that she will never be alone, and this feeling is passed on to the child in the Anchoring. Basic trust to self and life in general is thus implemented. The child’s confidence in self is reinforced through the mother’s caring acknowledgement and predictability in her interaction.

The child learns to accept the parent’s rule, from the point of Unconditional Protective Love, meaning: the love is indisputable omnipresent and with no vagaries. The father protects the unity of mother and child and he starts slowly to open the child up to the outside world from the age of 5. The first 7 years of Instinctiveand Emotional Anchoringis essential for the implementation and execution of the love of self, formatting the faculties needed in order to later in life to be able to enter lasting relations based on balanced conditional love.

Anchoring of Secondary Layers – Unconditional Love

Age 7 - 13 is the maturation in the framework of Unconditional Love through Moral

Anchoring.

The Moral Anchoring is the relation to several people, mainly the family. The child sees the positive morale, rooted in the Noble Etheric Values, and adapts to them in the form presented to it. If the Moral Anchoringis successful, the child will be able to respect other persons, without any hierarchical attitude towards them, and it will respect truth, honesty andjustice.

All the in Amentioned physical, instinctive and emotional abilities and properties are further accentuated and deepened, but now administered in an inter-subjective conditional setting. The Unconditional Protective Lovefrom the parents is still present and serves as the necessary backdrop of security for the child’s incremental acquisition of the basic moderating skills in the conditional interaction.

The emotional vocabulary is supplemented with inter-subjective conditioned nuances such as love /empathy, surprise /curiosity, joy /humour, anger /resistance, sadness /melancholy, fear /worry, disgust /dislike, as the behavioural palette is broadened and varied accordingly. This is in order to create more social manageable mitigating options of actions and expressions, thus heightening the child’s social skills, preparing it to cope with conditioned inter-relational love.

The emotional sensibility is polished to exhibit Unconditional Love, through a gradual awareness of its abstract logic denominations, termed from the Etheric / Noble Values (the Life-Sequence): justice, ethics, aesthetics and sense of morality. The child perfects its interplay in the social context from a deepened sense of moral, defining an ability to play together with others and create communities, learning to distinguish between people from outside (social) and parents (private).

Anchoring of the abstract logic(language, words and system) creates a direct contact from the Emotional to the Logical.The more purely connected, the more the child can learn real strength, curiosity and understanding of the world.

Some parts of the Anchoring are still the mother's job; while other parts is now executed by the father. The father teaches the child social skills, pride and commitment in life, he secures that justice, morality, education and love in all of the above parts is properly anchored in a balanced manner.

The child is Anchored in the social context, through the interaction with mother and father, and it learns through joy and guilt to adjust its behaviour, in order to develop the capacity to navigate with a morality that constantly regulates its perception. It will thus learn to adhere to the compassionate human values, Anchored emotionally in the Unconditional Protective Love:the Etheric / Noble Values.

The parents needs to honour all the above points in their own life, in order to achieve a successfulMoral Anchoringof the child.

Anchoring of the Tertiary Layers – Conditional Love

Age14 – 20 is maturation in a framework of Conditional Love through Logical Anchoring.

The Logical Anchoring is the abstract conceptualization of the activated elements in the other layers. Here are the social ties enabled. The moral must be anchoredin the emotional, which again must be rooted in the instinctive, so the social logical balance can be found in the individual. If the Logical Anchoring is successful, the three levels will be integrated in a logical understanding and management of the life.

The interaction in the social context through the development of moral ability is furthermore refined and strengthened. The adolescent child is now learning to navigate in conditioned relations, where the protection from the parents is no longer instantaneous present, meaning it has to bear the greater part of the consequences of it actions.

The child gradually develops the necessary emotional skills to weigh its own commitment measured to other persons’ commitment, and in that process to read and understand other people intentions and compare them to its own. This implicates an enhanced capacity for self-evaluation connected to a heightened ability to analyse the actual social context.

The adolescent is actively participating in and instigating groups, learning the inter-modulation between different factors balancing the boundaries in interacting with others. In the social exchanges occur constantly new interpretations and variations on how the interaction with other people is evaluated. The resulting new synapses are paving way for corroboration of relationships. Once a relationship has reached a certain grade of maturity, new confirmations between the members are not necessary and there will now be a stable understanding present that will form the foundation the group.

The self-evaluation is a prerequisite in the development of empathy. The love of self will enter a conscious stage, and serve as the instrument for asserting other person’s emotional capacity.

The Etheric / Noble Values become independent moral entities that supersede the parent’s proximity, internalised in the adolescent as values instituted by the parents, and as such serving as the tokens of their Unconditional Protective Love.